100 ways to Avoid an Alien Abduction

1-50 

1) Don't hang around with cows
2) Speak fluent French
3) Avoid open spaces
4) Don't be scared
5) Spray them with perfume
6) Get a degree
7) Don't live in the countryside
8) Never go to abduction seminars
9) Don't drive in secluded areas
10) Drink lots of caffeine
11) Become one of tehm
12) Board all windows and doors
13) Avoid visiting crop circles
14) Spend your time with UFO skeptics
15) Provide them with more interesting research materials
16) Sleep with a torch by your side
17) Avoid places where alcohol is consumed
18) Befriend an alien
19) Think happy thoughts
20) Get a government job
21) Exercise more often
22) Don't follow the light
23) Avoid the cliches
24) Lay off the takeaways
25) Wear an alluminium hat
26) Never go into a deep sleep
27) Watch the skies
28) Go into hiding on the 20th March
29) Get a pet cat
30) Play dead
31) Report every UFO you see
32) Don't stand on rooftops
33) Never go to a trailer park
34) Don't talk to strangers
35) Live in a subterranean village
36) Avoid these places #1
37) Build a bunker
38) Create clones of yourself
39) Animals can sense aliens
40) Don't listen to the radio
41) Don't step on bugs
42) Never be alone
43) Avoid creating banners declaring your love for aliens
44) Migrate to Iceland
45) Don't drive through the desert
46) Go for a blood test
47) Don't live on a farm
48) Don't grow your own crops
49) Abduct an alien
50) Start an apocalypse

51-100

51) Avoid Area 51
52) Live in a densely populated area.
53) Reverse engineer a spacecraft.
54) Never dress up as an alien.
55) Don't shower.
56) Aliens hate water.
57) Live in the south during winter.
58) Construct a dummy of yourself.
59) Carry a weapon at all times.
60) Avoid these places (UK) #2
61) Build a fort.
62) Don't trust anyone.
63) Constantly be on the move.
64) Place crystals around your room.
65) Move to another planet.
66) Set up a camera near all forms of entry.
67) Move to the desert.
68) Switch off all electricity.
69) Become nocturnal.
70) Never visit an empty car park.

71) Think bad thoughts about aliens.

72) Avoid these places (USA) #3

73) Eat lots of Kale.

74) Question your friends and family.

75) Never investigate a crash landed meteor.

76) Take out abduction insurance.

77) Stay near a place of sanctuary.

78) Become anonymous.

79) Refuse to eat.

80) Wear a suit.

81) Don't go to Egypt.

82) Avoid making contact with the aliens.

83) Don't use a walkie talkie.

84) Avoid these places (UK) #4

85) Sing.

86) Almost everyone who works in a post office is an alien.

87) Don't buy a mobile home.

88) Play "Indian Love Call" by Slim Whitman.

89) Avoid cleaning your house.

90) Get accepted into MENSA.

91) Never get in a taxi.

92) Keep the heating on.

93) Become a member of the INS division 6.

94) Destroy everything that can be tracked.

95) Learn their language.

96) Believe in aliens.

97) Buy a cargo van.

98) Become a social recluse.

99) Don't mock aliens.

100) Abduct an alien.